Who is that person in the other house? This can't be possible, I'm half naked and someone is looking at me. I used to be a very secure woman , but in my personal life it was different. I used to feel like a five year-old girl lost on enormous busy street. I couldn’t share my life with anyone, it was just mine. Now that the years have passed by I understand that I was not the master managing a puppet. I was the puppet.
I was really blind. My friends even tried to let me know I could not see it, or maybe they were more blind than me?
I returned to the house and closed the door as if a monster was following me, but…who was that monster? Maybe another person trying to enter into my territory, should I take control of the situation and act like the bitch I used to be? ,But I was not in that world, I was in another place, and the real me was coming out its shell, the one who could relax and simply be.
I looked out of the window next to the door and there was a man with his bare chest covered by his own shadow. He was drinking something which I guessed was coffee because of the way he tasted the liquid and the position of his lips. I felt really attracted to him. I noticed that in the moment I start analyzing him
He lifted his face and looked at me, straight into my eyes as if he could feel me, him feeling as if I was there spying him. I felt like a hunter chasing his next victim. I covered myself with the shutters trying to make that moment not so uncomfortable for me, but my curiosity was stronger than my prudence. I took another look but he was gone. Where was he? Did he notice that I was looking at him? It doesn’t matter, he probably was there just spending his holidays like me. Me? Well I was there for my own reasons and I was not going to let anyone ruin my plans.
Someone knocked at the door. Why? Who?, No one must come here, not until my finale, no way I'm not going to open up, but why am I walking to the door?. I open the door and it’s the coffee-drinking man.He was tall with deep-looking blue eyes. He sported three or four days of beard growth, and half a smile. He looked at me and said.
- Jack.
- Sorry?, I said
– My name is Jack. Nice to meet you.
– Oh. Nice to meet you. I am Adele.
– Nice place here, isn't it?
– Yeah, sure, it’s a nice place.
– Well, I just wanted to say “Hi”,” and know who was living next to me as we are the only ones on the beach – I have to go now, lets talk another time, all right?.
– OK.
I closed the door and said it to myself. “Stupid me,” I didn’t know how to react, it was a shock for me seeing him here, at my door, saying “Nice to meet you,” I wasn't there to socialise, I was here to... Why was I here. Oh yes, I was there to end my life, to forget it all.
He went out and I stood still at the door, looking at him, looking at him walk away.
I closed the door and went to take a shower.
– I should go and buy something, I can't stay here, I need a drink, yes; I need to drink all night long.
I drove for 10 minutes the car that I rented in the airport , everything was really far and I blamed my choice to take a house so far from everything. I bought three cans of soda, my regular cigarettes, and a bottle of Giffity, the local alcoholic beverage, a mix of herbs and spices, a total Knock-You-Out.
I couldn’t believe it, I was shopping. I was thinking what else should I buy? when suddenly he appeared again
– Oh.Hello again.
It was him¡
– Hello.I said.
– Shopping eh?
- Yes shopping.
- Oh good , me too '' He said while drinking some kind of strange blue beverage''.
After a 5 second pause that seemed to me to be an hour long he told me;
–Well, see you.
What a terrible conversation!
Then he turned around and said:
– Look, I'm going to have a dinner party tonight.Well, it’s just me, but I would like to know if you wanted to join me?. What do you say?
– I am not sure; I guess, I don’t know.
– Oh OK, if you are busy then…
What am I doing, of course I want, but how can I say it?
– Hey! Sure, I would love to.
I said this quickly before he could change his mind.
– Great! Come around at six.
– Six then .I said while he left the supermarket.
While I drive back to the house I can't stop thinking about this man, I can't stop analyzing everything. Why he wants to have dinner with me? why did I say yes? Oh I know why I said yes, I am definitely attracted to him but I don't want to have anything to do with him or anyone. I came to this place to end my life
No, I can't do it, what's happening with me? Do I want to go? No. I don’t want to.I'm confused. What is the matter with me? It’s just a dinner and I'm making such a big deal out of it. I have to stop reacting like this, I just won’t go.
I'm having such a difficult time trying to be me. Who am I now? I'm not a teenager any more. Why am I reacting in this way? Should I go? Is it “yes,” or “no”? But why am I looking at the clock?
I'm definitely not going.
Why not? After a struggle with myself for almost an hour I got dressed, not as I used to do for my horrible work dinners, In that moment I was not sure of anything, I was confused but I wanted to go, to know more about him. Right now I felt like I wanted his company, his calming voice and his deep eyes. How could I solve this problem with myself? No one woke up in me such a dilemma, it’s just a man. I used to be surrounded by men and I never had this kind of problem with myself.
I arrived at 6:15. He was not surprised to see me as he really was expecting me to go. I can't lie, it was a great night, we talked and talked, he made me laugh, he wasn’t the kind of man I usually dated, even if it wasn’t a date, just a get-together with someone as lonely as me.. But he was an interesting person, intelligent with a good sense of humour.
It was something. He had something mysterious , he showed knowledge of everything but never revealed a clue about who he was or what he wanted in life. I didn’t ask either. I didn’t feel bored for a minute, the time passed so quickly.
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